To Express Not Impress.: Come to think of it.
I remember you saying something like “oh heck no, I would hate to have a class with my girlfriend. That’s too weird for me.” Come to think of it, I think I would have to agree with you lol. To be honest, it’d be pretty weird for me to have my own boyfriend being in the same class as I. I mean,…
To Express Not Impress.: Sigh.
I feel like I don’t have that legit friendship with a girl where I can share my feelings, gossip, talk about girl stuff, boys, etc. I mean like, of course I have friends that are girls but I’m not as close with them where I can actually open up. The ones that I do have, I feel like they’ll just…
Blaaaah, Spring Break.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m enjoying Spring break so far but I have so much school work to do over this week’s vacation ): I mean I have packets to do, a photography project and another project for AP psychology. I’m pretty much busy this whole week, with both fun and work. Somehow I have to equal the two so everything can work out fine. School work is such a draaaaaag.
Repeatedly in my head.
It’s 2:56 in the morning, it’s raining and I can’t sleep so I couldn’t help but think about you. You were on the phone sound asleep anyways, but all of a sudden, everything began running through my mind. I first thought about how we began; how we started talking, chilling day by day, growing closer, making the first move, my favorite day, etc. We’ve grown so close together in such a matter of short timing. It was quick and I grew to be so comfortable around you. You didn’t care how I looked when I would constantly complain how gross I looked every day, haha. You dealt with it, told me I was beautiful and liked me for who I am. You accepted me for who I am. You love me for who I was, and how I am right now. Through all the flaws and arguments, you’re still here with me today and I’m thankful to God for giving me an amazing person like you in my life.
Anyways, you were asleep on the phone. I thought about spamming your inbox on Facebook and for some odd reason, it led me to expressing my feelings about you. It was weird. A good weird though, I teared up writing some of them out though. Well I couldn’t help but think about the first day you slept over. We were just friends by then. We laid on the couch, sharing a pillow but our body’s facing different ways from each opposite sides of the pillow. I remember it being dark, the TV was on and I was just laying there. You were half asleep and your hand was up near my face. I thought of your hand as a sign of something.. So I thought to myself “oh, should I hold his hand? Should I make the first move? Does he like me? Does he even feel the same way? What do I do?” After that, I just remember my fingers slowly intertwining into yours and you held on tightly. I smiled a big smile. A genuine smile. At that moment, I got a feeling that I haven’t felt in the longest since my last serious relationship. I was happy.. All over again. I didn’t think I would feel this way until like a few years longer, but I guess not.I really wasn’t expecting you to grasp on so tightly, so it shocked me. I liked it though. Well the night kept going and you still held onto my hand. We fell asleep together like that actually. I thought it was the cutest thing ever.
The reason why I remember this night so clearly is because it means so much to me. It was the third day we’ve hung out, we had pizza that day struggling to find money around the house lol, you sleeping over, us holding hands and it was the first time I began liking you. This is my favorite day out of all the rest and all because of these reasons.. of what had happened that night. It was special, it was meaningful. To me at least. I’ll never forget this day.
I got those tiny asian eyessssss.
You know what would be great?
If I got a surprise visit from ANYONE that I wouldn’t expect to be at my front door. That would be great. I mean seriously, who wouldn’t want that? You have somebody you know at your front door, somebody that you wouldn’t expect to come over. I mean, that’s the whole point of the surprise, yes? It catches you at that moment where you get the big smile on your face that you can’t control or it could also be the opposite but I’m talking about something positive soo.. but yeah! Like they come at your door with your favorite food or something you’ve been wanting because they’ve been stalking you on the social networks. LOL. Like maybe they came to pick you up! With Disneyland tickets in their hands, OHMYGOD. HOW GREAT IS THAT HAHA. I really hope I get something like this one day. Hahaha, seriously though.
To Express Not Impress.: Spring break!
School ended, tests are done, grades are going in and now.. it’s Spring break! I’m pretty excited! But I don’t even know what I’m going to do over the break and I only got one week, too. Hopefully I can go to Disneyland sometime before school starts again! I’d be the happiest (: and maybe hit up…
So bored! ):
What the heck? Seriously, if you don’t want to talk then just tell me. I’m tired of feeling confused and what you’re doing isn’t making things any better. Instead of ignoring my calls, why don’t you just pick up and be straight-forward with me so I at least know what you’re trying to do. I’m not going to waste my time trying to talk to you if you don’t even want to talk in the first place.
I feel like I’m not trying hard enough.
For school that is. I would get A’s and B’s and maybe a couple C’s here and there on my report card, but for some reason this year, my grades are pretty low. I’ve been lagging it A LOT. Seriously though, I try in my classes but I feel like my teachers are just dumb. They can’t teach, but I’m not going to blame this all on them, it’s my fault for being lazy. I’m not trying hard enough as I used to.
So I’m going to make a goal for the rest of the school year. I’m going to actually TRY and get my shit together. If I want to get into good colleges, my grades have to look good. After all, my grades are my one way ticket into the colleges that I want! Hopefully I can keep myself motivated. (:
I don’t want it if its that easy.
Seriously though, it’s like I don’t even have to try to get what I want. It’s too easy. I want a challenge. I want to know that I have to work hard to get what I want, that way I know I deserved it.
The cool thing about today is..
I bottle up my feelings.
I’m just not the type to talk about my feelings. It’s really not as easy for me as it is for most of you guys. I always get that knot in my throat and it gets hard for me to speak. It’s just the way I am though. But I think bottling up my feelings is what’s best for me, that way I don’t have to go through so much and besides, I’d rather just keep things to myself. I have so much to hide. I can’t wait until the day that I finally break! *sarcasm
I’m such a dick to my boyfriend.
AND I LOVE IT. Lol. We have that love/hate relationship but everything just seems to work out in the end. No major arguments, just laughs. I think this is what I love most about our relationship, he doesn’t take everything up the butt, you know what I mean? Haha, we have so many insiders. It’s funny (: and there’s so much to smile and laugh about. I can never stay mad at you, literally.
Take me as I am, or watch me as I go.
I’m getting tired of this. I’m tired of feeling this way and I’m tired of having these doubts. You “love” me? Then prove it because actions speak louder than words.
I’m slowly but surely losing these emotions.
